Defeat. Shameful, woman-like defeat.

So the big news this week - millions of people in London were shocked at the announcement that, yes, the Brog was ending.

I, myself, was stunned at the announcement. Having thought long and hard about the most appropriate way for the Pog to respond, I have concluded that the best course of action is to deride the author of the Brog, raining down upon him wave after wave of chastizing and unfair remarks - kicking him while he's down, so to speak.

Frankly, I knew that Brendan had always been a "man" of poor character. What kind of person self-identifies as a "massive tool?" That's right - communists (ie. the very large hammer and sickle pronouncedly displayed on the soviet flag). However it came as a shock to me that Mr. Ballou would stoop to the level of "Quitter", adding another unfortunate title to his current list of "sissy", "mama's boy", and "International Baccalaureate Diploma Recipient."

Now, and I want to make this painfully clear, the attempted terrorist attack on the United States this past week was entirely and unquestionably Brendan's fault. Surely there could have been no larger signal of American weakness, and at such a dangerous time in American foreign policy. Mr. Ballou certainly demonstrated one 'Gigli' of poor judgement on that one.

So I put it to you, "Brendan." Have you the cahones, the man-berries, the TESTICLES to pull it together and bring this country back to its days of glory? Then I suggest you stop your socializin', and educatin', and dilly-mongerin' and write yourself a BLOG!

Besides, without the Brog my title line would just be downright silly, wouldn't it?

In other news, I'm done with work in the lab - woo! Summer ends soon - one more week to rolic in the grass and wildflowers of the old Alma Mater. I cooked Linguine Alfredo last night from frickin' SCRATCH after 20 miles of biking, and swimming in a river - how muthafuckin' thug is that?! Yes, pretty muthafuckin' thug.

PITCHFORKMUSICFESTIVALWASAWESOME!!!

As is becoming an entirely unhealthy trend, I'm going to quote yet another facebook message of my own writing:

"Spoon? More like *swoon*"

I was particularly proud of that remark. Don't judge me.

At this time, I would like to attend to some necessary buisness, and give thanks where it's due. I woefully left my Pitchfork tickets in my room in Ohio, which left me in a sorry bit of a mess upon arriving in Chicago. Through the generosity of a member of the festival staff (who's name I do not know, or I would reveal it to all.. possibly for money), I received replacement tickets under the agreement that I would commend the Pitchfork staff online, and defend them if I ever saw them being unfairly disrespected. I would like to take a moment to thank the Pitchfork Media staff in their own manner - biting sarcasm and unnecessary metaphor:

"The Pitchfork Staff at this year's festival truly went beyond the call of duty. This doesn't say a huge amount, as their job mostly required them to sit in an air-conditioned room all day. Just as the Grinch grew three cardiac sizes in one day after stealing a beloved children's holiday, the good people at Pitchfork saw it fair to admit me to their festival, for which I had already given them $30, and after my friends and I all emptied our unsealed water containers on a day with heat in the upper 90's. May good fortune, and the light of the gods follow the members of Pitchfork Media, so that they may continue writing brutal, scathing reviews of struggling musicians (some admittedly very bad) for centuries to come. Or until a giant meteor hits the Earth, destroying their webserver. Whichever is first."

Thanks Pitchfork.

Also, I fully realize that the literary device used in this post is a simile, and not a metaphor, so don't bother pointing that out. You know you've done it before - grow up. I'm looking at you Brendan.

PITCHFORKMUSICGFESTIVALISGOINGTOBEAWESOME!!!

So I'm in St Paul now. At 5 this morning, I was in Ohio. Funny how that works.

Anyways, I'm too apathetic to write a full post - I just want to inform the masses that Pinky and the Brain and Animaniacs have been released to DVD. Go buy them.


*puff of smoke*

Trash (both the 'paper' and 'white' variety)

So, I wrote a facebook message that I thought would make a fitting post (because it makes me sound intellectual - such things are rare gems, and are not to be thrown away like an empty carton of McDonald's Chicken McNuggets). For context, I was being asked what I thought about Comedy Central airing 'lost' episodes of Chappelle's Show:

Quoth myself: "Ok - if the episodes are being aired against the wishes of Dave Chappelle, then I think it's a wholly terrible idea. Chappelle's Show is so good because Dave Chappelle knows what he's doing, and works to put out good material (this is of course probably not a view held by the entirety of the American population, but you and I agree that he's damn funny). If the network is comprimising his ability to control what is produced, and specifically if he doesn't feel that it was up to the same standards, then the new episodes can't possibly be as good as the old ones, judging by the same rubric. However, it's possible that the audience's standards are different from Chappelle's, and so the episodes may still be funny, but I think that's beside the point.

I'm glad to know that he's actually conscious about how his ethnic humor is perceived. That earns him a few points.

You know what sucks? I'm missing seeing Muse in Minneapolis by 24 hours. I should probably kill myself - that's what the guy from Muse would probably do, except that it he would do it with awesome leading tone cadences and a sweet bassline. I like Muse."

God damn I'm upset about that Muse show. I'll bet it's a good show.

Other things that I'm upset about currently are my (Ed's) bike being stolen, and the amount of litter that spawns from the local McDonald's. I spent about 20 minutes rounding up half-filled cups of Coke out of the hedges in the patio section of the eatery. People have yet to impress me.

People didn't make any progress last night when I went to see my friends' band play a show with the band Buck Cherry - a substantially washed up 3-hit wonder from the 90s. It's been a long time since I've been surrounded by that many (arguably) beautiful, shallow, brainless people. It makes me really question my interest in being a musician. I remind myself that these would not be the audience I would attract, for the most part, I hope. I counted roughly 30 loogies by the time I made it through the line into the club.

My ears are still ringing.

What?

Facebook Monopoly Status: Slowly accumulating property. Short on funds, but GO is just in sight.

A General Update On My State of Being (aka. Wet)

It rains too much in this forsaken wasteland of a state. Rain is infuriating, because it keeps me from getting between the few centers of activity that I have in town, all of which are within a 2 minute bike ride from each other. It seems foolish that such pitiful weather should keep me from hopping between my room and (Point B). Then again, it seems foolish that you're reading this post. Way to go, Genius.

The Recording Project
UGH. Such a pain. Things are sounding reasonably good, and when everything is done I'll have my name on a halfway decent piece of music production. This, however, does not make up for knowing that I'm giving up HUNDREDS of dollars worth in hours. I could really use that money to soup up my computer so that it could actually handle all the processing weight that I'm throwing at it with all this editing. I could also buy a small army of incompetent henchmen to do my bidding, which would be entirely pointless. I'd buy computer stuff.

Our most recent progress: 3 hours on vocals, nothing useable. Grant is going to be recording his own vocals, I'm assuming, from now on. That's a threat I suppose.

Work is over - I'm going biking.

I don't make enough 'shout-outs'

This here is a shout-out to my main man Mr Dan Crisham. Your antics are simply delightful. Don't stop the rockin' sweet baby dreamer. We'll make it some day.

Things That Only Help the Terrorists

So another Independence Day has come and gone. Time to put away all our delightful tri-colored garlands and hats. We stop singing our Independence Day Carols. We rush to Walgreens for their eagerly anticipated post-Independence Day candy sales. But the spirit of Independence Day lives on, I'm sure.

Oberlin has a decidedly boring July 4th. Everything is closed, save the grocery stores (very useful when one requires massive quantities of ice). There is no parade, there are only minmal fireworks, and a complete abscence of cheap, publicly available food. This year, the weather was pretty miserable as well. It rained a good deal in the morning, and then proceeded to be hellishly muggy for the rest of the day. "Good 'Ol" Nature was certainly not helping our troops any last tuesday. Who loves freedom? Well, I guess it isn't the Ohio weather.

I'm currently sitting at work with nothing to do (that's a lie - I have stuff to do. I just have way too much time with which to complete it). I requested a song via the internet (amazing thing the internet), which happened to be David Bowie's 'Ziggy Stardust.' Bill DeVille was DJing for The Current at the time, and made an announcement that some requested Bowie was coming up. He played Golden Years, which was requested by some other kid from St Paul, which I must say is a far inferior song. I was very disappointed. I thought that MPR would encourage it's personalities to have a sense of 'taste' and 'fairness' - good American qualities. I guess we know where Mr. DeVille's loyalties lie. He also dislikes the Electric Six.

Al Qaeda doesn't like the Electric Six. Fact.

My computer is currently being employed in the Concert Sound office for recording purposes (I may start a rather pathetic recording log on this thing soon), so updates may be few and far between for a number of weeks. You all will just have to be patient. Remember - terrorists hate patience.

As a general update on my status of being, as they will always be referred to in this forum, I've been on self-assumed janitorial duty in the house. This week saw a rash of malfunctioning appliances and clogged sinks. I can assure you - a sink clogged with rotten foodstuffs helps no one but the terrorists; similarly, a disabled-fridgeful of rotten milk.

Facebook Monopoly Status: Still in jail.
To do tonight: Raid Pirates 2 en masse. Yar.

A General Update On My State of Being (aka. "Scientific Progress Goes Boink!")

I figure if I ever intend to have any continuing discussions or story arcs, I need to anchor myself in the present. Besides, I'm sure all of you are interested in every facet of my life. Frankly, who isn't? What with the internet and all these days...

Chapter 1 - The Lab
Physics has thus far proven itself to be a worthy adversary to the other sciences (eg. biology, chemistry, cosmetology, etc.), or at least the ones in which I have lab experience. I can understand the majority of what I am actually doing, and why, and I don't have to weigh out precise amounts of powder that could kill me on contact - that 1-ups Chemistry. There is also a clear and forseeable path towards publication. I know what the community is interested in, and it can be achieved by the end of the summer. That takes care of Bio. So Physics is doing ok. Biology definitely has the outdoor component going for it. Today I spent 8.5 hours standing in the same basement room clearing ice off of pipes carrying liquid Helium (10K). I didn't get lunch. That was kind of, oh - what's the term the kids are using these days? Ah yes - frustrating. We got some really spiffy data though - looks like we may have a paper to write in the near future (yay honors project!).

More chapters to come when I don't have better things to do with myself. Stay tuned - I know you will.